Chapter 24 - VANESSA’S LETTERVanessa wrote to me from custody.

My attorney asked whether I wanted it.
I almost said no.
Then yes.
Her first paragraph irritated me.
I know nothing I say can undo the pain caused by the financial decisions Neftalí and I made.
Neftalí and I.
Shared blame.
Partly true.
Not fully.
Then:
The deed was my decision.
I stopped.
Read again.
Neftalí signed the refinance, but he did not ask me to copy your signature or create the notary acknowledgment. I did that because I believed the bank would reject the loan otherwise and because I believed you would refuse out of fear.
Fear.
Not autonomy.
Then:
I told myself you would never actually be removed from the house. After Neftalí died, I was drowning in debt and anger. I used the deed I had created to tell you the house was mine. That was the moment I turned a financial fraud into something crueler.
That was accurate.
She admitted the cards.
Not every charge.
Enough.
Then the shove.
When you came to the house and told me you would expose everything, I grabbed you and pushed you. I have replayed the moment your face hit the frame. I am sorry.
No accident language.
Good.
The last paragraph:
I loved Neftalí. I also lied to him, and after he discovered it, I used his illness to make him delay dealing with me. Both are true.
I folded the letter.
Mara asked:
“Forgive her?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“I didn’t say never.”
“Want to?”
May you like
“I want not to organize my life around the question.”
That was the closest thing to freedom I had felt.
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