Chapter 23 - I watch one video

For almost two years, I refused to watch the attic videos.
My attorney summarized what mattered.
Police had copies.
Court had exhibits.
Enough.
Then one evening, after the criminal case ended, I asked my therapist:
“Should I watch?”
She asked:
“Why?”
“I want to know what people saw.”
“That may not help.”
“I know.”
“Then why?”
I thought.
“Because I keep imagining worse.”
We chose one.
Not the most graphic.
No graphic footage existed in the gore sense anyway.
Cruelty was in context.
Michael had edited a day-six feeding into ninety seconds.
It showed Patricia preparing the syringe.
Me lying on the mattress.
Michael’s voice:
“Claire is having another hard day accepting nutrition.”
Then me turning my face away.
Cut.
Then Patricia:
“We’re doing this for Mae.”
The baby’s name before birth.
Then me crying.
Cut.
Michael:
“Sometimes caregiving means staying strong when the person you love cannot.”
Comments:
You’re amazing.
She’ll thank you later.
Protect that baby.
One wrote:
Why is the door locked?
No reply.
That comment saved me from believing every viewer saw what Michael wanted.
Someone noticed.
Maybe they did nothing.
Maybe they reported.
The platform records were incomplete.
Still.
A crack in the audience.
May you like
I watched once.
Then never again.