Chapter 3 - The hospital

Paramedics wrapped me in two blankets before asking anything complicated.
My feet were filthy and painfully cold.
My blood pressure was low.
Heart rate high.
I had lost more weight.
They transported me to the hospital because pregnancy changed every risk calculation.
The baby’s heart rate was monitored.
My blood was drawn.
Urine.
Electrolytes.
Liver function.
Kidney function.
Medication screen.
Nutrition status.
The feeding tube position was checked.
I had been terrified that some permanent damage had already happened.
The obstetric resident said:
“The baby is reactive. That is reassuring.”
Not:
Perfect.
Not:
Everything is fine.
Reassuring.
I learned to love medically precise words.
Erin arrived before midnight.
She was thirty-three.
Two years older.
Teacher.
Mother of one.
The person Michael described as:
“Always looking for reasons to hate me.”
She came through the curtain.
Saw the tube.
Saw my face.
Stopped.
Then asked:
“Can I hug you?”
I nodded.
She did.
I broke.
Not movie crying.
Ugly.
Dry.
My throat hurt.
I kept repeating:
“I got out.”
“I know.”
“They forgot.”
“I know.”
“I got out.”
“You did.”
After I calmed, Erin asked:
“Did they know you had the phone?”
“No.”
“Where is it?”
I held it.
She looked at it.
“Do not send me anything.”
I almost laughed.
“Why?”
“Because I’m a teacher, not your lawyer.”
Good.
The police had already asked that the phone be preserved.
An officer placed it into a paper evidence bag after I consented to turning it over.
Before doing so, I showed them the recording.
Not every file.
The final session.
Patricia:
“Use the same mixture as yesterday.”
Michael:
“Just keep her face in frame.”
Then:
“You care more about that channel than controlling her!”
The officer did not say:
Case closed.
He asked:
“What does mixture mean?”
“I don’t know exactly.”
“What channel?”
“Michael’s.”
May you like
“What is it?”
That required a longer answer.