Chapter 22 - Luke’s apology

Luke’s apology took therapy.
Lots.
His first version:
“I should have told you.”
True.
Incomplete.
Then:
“I was scared you’d hate Mom.”
Still about outcome.
Then one evening, seven months after he moved out, he sat across from me in our counselor’s office.
“I knew enough.”
I waited.
“I didn’t know exactly what she gave Ella.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know she would do it again that Wednesday.”
“Yes.”
“But I knew there was a real possibility she had given our baby something to make her sleep.”
“Yes.”
He swallowed.
“And I didn’t tell you because I knew what you would do.”
“What?”
“Stop letting Mom babysit.”
There.
“I thought that would blow up the family.”
“Yes.”
“So I gambled that Mom was exaggerating and that whatever she had done was harmless.”
His voice broke.
“I gambled with a decision that wasn’t mine.”
I started crying.
Luke continued:
“I told myself I was protecting you from conflict. I was protecting myself from having to choose a side.”
That was it.
The center.
“You chose.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“By staying quiet.”
Exactly.
Then:
“I am sorry I made you find out in a hospital.”
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I did not forgive him that day.
But I believed the apology.