Soft

Chapter 4 - The first strange nap

The phrase blue bottle unlocked a memory.

Six weeks earlier.

Margaret had watched Ella while Luke and I attended a friend’s wedding.

We picked her up around ten that night.

Ella was asleep.

Margaret looked pleased.

“See? She can sleep when somebody doesn’t rush in every time she makes a sound.”

I had been irritated.

Not alarmed.

“How long has she been out?”

“Almost three hours.”

That was unusually long for Ella.

I remember touching her cheek.

Warm.

Breathing.

Fine.

She barely woke when I put her into the car seat.

At home, she slept another five hours.

The longest stretch of her life.

Luke and I celebrated.

I texted Margaret the next morning:

Whatever magic you used, send it over.

She replied:

Grandma knows a few things.

I had forgotten that message.

At the hospital, I found it.

My fingers shook.

Showed Karen.

Then Luke.

He looked at it for a long time.

“I didn’t remember this.”

“I did.”

“Did you think she gave medicine?”

“No.”

“Neither did I.”

I looked at him.

“You saw a bottle.”

“Later.”

“And never told me.”

“I thought it was gripe water.”

“You said she called it a sleep helper.”

“I thought she was joking.”

“Did you ask what it was?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“She said something mild.”

I stared.

“Mild what?”

“She wouldn’t answer.”

“And you dropped it?”

His silence became the answer.

I stood.

Karen said:

“Sarah.”

“I need to walk.”

“Okay.”

I paced three steps.

Hospital room too small.

Ella slept.

Machines.

Luke said:

“I should’ve told you.”

“Yes.”

“I know.”

“No.”

I turned.

May you like

“You know now. That is different.”

He closed his eyes.

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