Chapter 5 - Why Margaret hated our sleep routine

Margaret did not hate me when Luke and I married.
That would have made the story easier.
She liked me.
She helped choose flowers.
Lent me pearl earrings.
Cried during our first dance.
After Ella was born, everything changed slowly.
Margaret had strong opinions about babies.
Schedules.
Crying.
Holding.
Feeding.
Sleep.
She raised three children.
Luke and two older sisters.
All survived.
Therefore, in her mind, she possessed evidence stronger than current pediatric guidance.
If I said:
“The pediatrician told us—”
Margaret would answer:
“Doctors tell mothers something different every ten years.”
Sometimes true.
Not useful.
Ella woke frequently.
I was exhausted.
Luke helped.
Not equally at first.
That caused arguments.
Margaret interpreted my exhaustion as incompetence.
“She needs a schedule.”
“She has one.”
“No, she has a collection of reactions.”
“She’s seven months old.”
“Exactly. Old enough.”
One afternoon I said:
“I don’t want to talk about sleep anymore.”
Margaret smiled.
“You will when you want some.”
That was her style.
A joke with a blade inside.
She believed I responded too quickly when Ella cried.
She believed Luke and I were teaching the baby to:
“Run the house.”
A baby.
At seven months.
Once she said:
“Sometimes children need help shutting down.”
I heard:
Routine.
Dark room.
White noise.
I did not hear:
May you like
Medication.
I should not have had to.